this is what happens when you have no TV and no internet

Me: “You know, Heidelberg used to be named Heidelbeereberg. That means Blueberry Mountain. Isn’t that so picturesque?”
Carlos: *rolls eyes*
Me: “I mean, can’t you just imagine little girls in braids with checkered dresses and little baskets skipping along the countryside picking blueberries, and the mothers all in the kitchen with white aprons on, baking blueberry pies?”
Carlos: *rolls eyes*
Me: “But…isn’t there a nuclear reactor there now?”
Carlos: “Yes…”

So much for picturesque. I guess it’s not a nuclear reactor, per se, but I still imagine the little girls now coming home with baskets glowing with a strange blue light, and the blueberry pies monstrously doubling their size in the oven, while children with six fingers on each hand jump with joy and anticipation.

Anyway. On the same ridiculous train of thought, I’ve decided it would be a good idea to start a comic. I can never remember the words for fork, knife, and spoon in German, or at least which one is which, until I randomly made up Ludwig der Löffel (Ludwig the Spoon), to help me remember (this strangely reminds me of Allowishus the Dust Bunny, a character I made up in elementary school and who graced the upper-right-hand corner of every paper I wrote in 5th grade, along with Matilda the witch. I had a lot of free time as a child). Of course, as soon as Ludwig came to mind, his friends paraded in as well: Gunter der Gabel (Gunter the Fork) and Manfred der Messer (Manfred the Knife). Of course, there’s got to be a fat friend tagging along, so that’s where Name-that-begins-with-T der Teller comes in (To-Be-Named the Plate). They could have many adventures, all in the name of education, of course, all Shel Silverstein style.

Of course, maybe they’ll turn out to be a tough street gang that go around attacking bananas, hard-boiled eggs, and other soft and defenseless foods. You know, because they’re forks and knives, after all… well, we’ll see about that bit.

I think I’ll go draw them now.


4 thoughts on “this is what happens when you have no TV and no internet

  1. Hi Jess, just checking out your posts. Great descriptions of Berlin and life of “the homeless employed.” The latter, only few in the world are given such first-hand insight into, a strange phenomenom that rarely occurs anywhere outside Berlin, though Ive heard rumours of a covert resistance movement against foreigners living in Europe, and therefore the problem may be spreading. Document it well, for it may be the first transcripts of such a sociological (anthropological?) quandry and could help countless future “homeless employed” in Europe. Oh, I think Til is a great name for any self-respecting East German plate: “Til der Teller.” Nice ring to it, dont you think? Helga x

    • Actually, I wrote my senior thesis on homelessness and the truth is, there were many people who did work, but their paychecks didn’t meet the bills, so they could afford a house OR food OR a car, but not all three. But you’re right, the phenomenon should be studied more in depth.
      Anyway, I think Til is a great name. I was also considering Torsten, but Til is much easier. Thanks for checking out my blog!

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